Friday, January 2, 2009

I digress to resolve

first, I want to wish myself a happy new year! I don't think I've ever done that. It felt good. I'm going to say it again....Happy new Year, Me!

With all the traditions of Holidays behind us, sort of. I've been thinking about what I want to accomplish this year. It's nice to have the cycles begin again. It's like life's built-in re-boot.

I know a bit about what I want to do this year, that is what new or additional things i would like to accomplish. It goes along with what I wish to drop from previous years. I have the list in my mind and I was going to post it, but more importantly, I think I'll keep pondering and not formally commit myself. Therein lies the first problem I had last year. Commitment. What is it I'm afraid of when I think of committing or even thinking about the word "committing." It seems to create a feeling of a rule that I now must follow and if I don;t do the thing I said then I've failed because I didn't even try. And so what. I took on plenty of things last year I didn;t know I would take on. I ended 2008 in an upbeat mood because I didn't give a shit about the Holidays and therefore wound up with little to no feelings of depression afterward. Yay! This is fantastic because the holidays bring on a false sense of responsibility to to buy things and do things because we feel obligated to do them based on stupid traditions.

A friend of mine commented that he didn't feel the spirit of the holiday at any time; nor did he "feel like" buying anything just because. I congratualted him because that is the opposite side of our commercial spirit of Christmas that I've failed to explore in depth. That is, when you don;t feel like doing anything, i.e. buying gifts, sending cards, attending parties, then why do so? Why need some sort of approval or not. I missed a dinner with some good friends recently and analyzed why I had not made it a better priority. ADHD was one excuse. There were others, but I felt really bad because it didn't even register; I had no back up for memory loss and instead was called several times while I was doing somthing else. I went to the gym. I digress, but it still fits the point. So I resolved to give myself a higher sense of self-respect and made a personal promise to at least 1. be honest and 2. call when I';m going to be late or not even show up.

The fun would have happened but it was strange to be in limbo land at that point and not recognize by poor 'Emily Post' moment. Then again Emily Post was a much too formal apporach and was really for the snotty rich and not everyone else. THAT is unAmerican, or at least exclusive behavior. Oh well. She's dead and most people don't even know who she is anymore. Good. We need better standards anyway.

So as I conclude this post, may I resolve to myself to blog shorter, do the things I am thinking of doing this year and by all means raise my level of respect for myself and my friends.

I think I'll do the gym more too. It has a hot tub.

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